


let your guard down

by luxpacifica



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Kinda, Kingdom Hearts III Spoilers, M/M, Pining, Pining Riku (Kingdom Hearts), Riku Loves Sora (Kingdom Hearts), canon compliant except that sora comes home at the end of kh3, more riku confessing because............. well, whats better than riku confessing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28776429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxpacifica/pseuds/luxpacifica
Summary: the first time, the last time, and all the times i would have liked there to have beenRiku reflects on all of the times he wanted to kiss Sora, and the times that he did.
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 75





	let your guard down

**Author's Note:**

> mostly canon-compliant except that Sora comes home at the end of kh3. 
> 
> for maximum effect, listen to, in order: trick of the light by villagers, putting the dog to sleep by the antlers, and never let me go by florence and the machine. 
> 
> thank you brynn (fuzzpeach) and boycrusade for editing :-) <3

* * *

The first time Riku kissed Sora was when they were just kids. One of their favorite games to play together—the prince and the knight. Riku was a brave knight with his wooden sword, fighting off thieves, ne’er-do-wells, and protecting the prince he’d sworn fealty to. Sora thought it was cool that Riku knew all about knights and cool stuff like _fealty_ , but what he really liked was that Riku let him lead, making declarations and doing magic with Riku in tow. 

But Sora had just watched a new movie, about a sleeping princess kissed awake by the daring knight who rescued her. Riku agreed, planting a messy kiss on his lips, the both of them cracking up afterwards. It might have been hindsight, but whenever Riku thought back on the memory, he thought that he had fought a little bit harder against their invisible enemies to protect Prince Sora afterwards. 

They’d played that version a few more times, but before long it was replaced by some new game, and before longer, they were too old for play-kissing and pretend games. Instead, they raced around the island, climbing and jumping and swinging swords at each other. That easy childhood affection turned to needling and teasing, competition and showmanship; each always trying to one-up the other. It was just the nature of their bond, Riku thought: twin stars, or maybe meteors, racing each other across the night sky. 

The second time Riku wanted to kiss Sora was much later— and he hadn’t known what it was at the time. They were young teens, rivalry going strong as ever, and yet when the two of them sat with Kairi on that old curved tree and watched the sun fall into the sea, Riku found his eyes drifting to Sora; his hair glowing golden and cheeks shining. The jumpsuit he always wore. _It makes him look so stupid_ , Riku thought, and yet, something pulled in his chest that he didn’t recognize until it was only a memory. As they were leaving the island that day, he threw Sora a paopu fruit with some joke about their destinies being intertwined and a chuckle. But the disappointment he felt when Sora tossed it away behind him still stung. 

After that, their competition had a harsher undertone than before. Like it mattered now, more than it ever had before, for him to beat Sora. He couldn’t say what, but he had something he needed to prove— though he didn’t know what, or to who.

The third time was just before everything changed. Or maybe that was when the change started. The trio was out late on the island, sun fully set, moon bright and casting deep blue shadows off of everything. Talking about the raft, maybe, how they should store their food, when they should leave, what direction they would go. Riku had tuned out of the conversation because the only thing he could think about was the moon shining off of Sora’s eyes, the way it glinted and danced in the dark blue the same way it did off the gentle waves. He kept trying to focus, to hear what Sora was saying, but he always got caught in the little details of his face. 

His thick eyelashes, fluttering over those big eyes, the glow of the moonlight against his skin, shining with salt, the gentle flow of his hair in the breeze. He didn’t realize what was happening to him until he finally let his eyes trail down to Sora’s lips. They looked so soft there, blue and white and incandescent. How would they feel against his own? How sweet would Sora’s lips taste? _I want to kiss him again_. He choked on the butterflies that rose in his throat with the thought and let out a small gasp, and Sora and Kairi turned to him. 

“I, um— I have to go,” He said quietly, and turned his back to the other two, hoping that they hadn’t seen the flush on his cheeks in the moonlight. He didn’t let his breath out until he was back on the docks at home, and he thought he might keel over from it all. _Why do I want to kiss him? What’s wrong with me?_ His fists balled at his sides and he focused all his attention on the ground. He steadied himself with a long inhale, tried to shake it off. Whatever. It’s nothing. Just… feeling weird. He pushed the swelling feeling in his chest down and walked back home, locking the thoughts up tight. 

The fourth time his chest pulled with that desire was after the islands had fallen, after he’d searched all over for Sora and Kairi, when they reunited in Traverse Town. Riku’s heart leapt when he saw Sora, but something was different. He was with new friends, stronger, a Keyblade wielder. He stole away without a word when one of those new friends told Sora he couldn’t go with them, heart aching as Maleficent showed him how he’d been replaced. When she promised him control and a way to Kairi and told him to think no more of that boy, he followed. Pushed it down again, added a heavy chain to the lock. 

_Think no more of that boy._

It was easier said than done. 

He watched Sora gallivant around the worlds with his new friends and his new keyblade, and thought that maybe that was how it was always supposed to be. Maybe Sora was always going to grow out of him. He was always the prince, after all, and he’d found some new knights to protect him when Riku had failed to. So when Ansem told him that plunging deeper into the darkness would make his heart stronger, he didn’t hesitate. If he was strong enough, he could win back the spot he’d lost as Sora’s protector. 

He should have known it was a lie, but when Ansem took him over, he found it hard to find the will to fight back. 

Until— until from deep inside the haze of darkness, he heard Sora. _Let Riku go. Give him back his heart!_

Even after all he’d done, Sora wanted him back. And when he watched his body clash with Sora, and when he saw Sora sacrifice himself and become a Heartless, the fire to fight woke up in him again. He steeled his resolve against that darkness. _I’ll hold Ansem here_ , he thought, _and maybe Kairi can figure out how to get Sora back_ . And when he saw Sora from the depths of darkness, he knew what he had to do. _It’s what I deserve_ , he thought, _to stay in the darkness so that Sora and Kairi will be safe in the light._

But as he saw Sora from the other side of that door, he felt that old familiar ache again, for the fifth time. All he wanted was to kiss him goodbye, to run back to his side, to be there with him, the knight protecting Sora from anything and everything. But he didn’t. He couldn’t, and he pulled the door shut and locked it and thought, _at least they’re safe. At least he’s safe._

Riku thought a lot about Sora while he was in that castle, looking for his way forward, but he didn’t feel that pang for the sixth time until he finally reached the end and saw Sora, asleep in his pod. _Okay_ , he thought, _this is the first step_ . _I’ll be here, doing whatever I can to bring him back_. A smile played at his lips whenever he sat in that room and watched Sora sleep. Always so lazy. Always leaving Riku to do the heavy lifting. 

When he had to let the darkness into his heart again to bring Sora back, he didn’t hesitate, even though he knew it meant he could never let Sora see him again. He watched from the shadows as Sora woke up, and could barely hold in his laughter when he saw how much Sora had grown out of that old jumpsuit. And of course, right then, he wanted nothing more than to run to him, to hold him close. But he kept his distance, guiding Sora along whenever he could. He couldn’t imagine what Sora would think if he saw him like that, given in again to the darkness. He just watched, and tried to ignore the ache he felt as Sora looked for him. 

When they reunited again, Riku had tried to escape. He couldn’t bring himself to meet Sora’s eyes, but all the same, couldn’t bring himself to run once he heard Sora say his name. As soon as it passed over his lips, Riku felt the pull the seventh time, stronger than ever, he wanted more than anything to grab Sora’s hand, his face, to hold him close and kiss him, so much it made him dizzy. When Sora touched his hand and cried out his name, it was all he could do not to embrace him, not to cry at the way his voice cracked when he said that he’d looked everywhere for Riku. He could barely choke out that he hadn’t wanted to be found, and wished he hadn’t as soon as he saw the hurt on Sora’s face. 

After everything, he couldn’t believe Sora still cared so much for him. He brushed it off with teasing, but swore to himself then to never leave Sora’s side again. _Fealty. Always._ And true to form as the brave knight, he threw himself into the Ethereal Blade that Xemnas thrust at Sora, taking the hit directly to his back but pushing on regardless with an ignited fury. The only thing in his mind was protecting Sora. Once the battle was over and the gravity of his injuries started to become more apparent, he leaned against Sora. He wondered if Sora felt the resonance through their past, all the way back to the days of pretend when he said his name and told him, “you lead.” 

The eighth time he wanted to kiss Sora was sitting on that beach in the darkness, when he finally admitted that he’d always been jealous of Sora. He was taken aback when Sora admitted that he felt the same. _Like twin stars_ , he thought, and looked up to the dark sky above them. _I could stay here, with Sora. Forever. As long as I have him here with me._

_I don’t want to be alone anymore._

The next time— the ninth— Riku wanted to kiss Sora was in Yen Sid’s tower, preparing to set off for their Mark of Mastery test. A kiss for good luck, for bravery and strength. He regretted his hesitation so much that it hurt once they were separated. But he knew what he had to do. Sora’s knight, still, after everything. So he dove ever deeper to find Sora, to bring him back. Back to the real world, to his side. The singularity of his purpose then felt secure, and it steeled him against the nightmares he faced. 

When he woke up in that tower and Sora embraced him, all he wanted was to melt into those warm arms and that goofy smile. He felt tears prick at his eyes knowing that Sora was here, awake, safe. He wished he’d kissed him then, too, and again once Yen Sid told them that he’d passed and was a true Keyblade Master. He finally had it. Strength, to protect what matters. 

The next time he should’ve kissed Sora was at the tower again, before the two of them left on their separate missions, Sora to gain the power of waking, and Riku with Mickey to search the Realm of Darkness for Aqua. He knew Sora was worried about him heading back into the darkness, and all he wanted was to comfort him with a kiss and a promise to come back safe. He settled for just the promise, adding only in his head that he would always be there for Sora, always protecting him and fighting for him. 

He hadn’t expected the reversal to happen so soon, but he was overjoyed when Sora had appeared beside him in the dark. _Maybe sometimes he can be my knight too_ , he thought. _I think I could live with that_. Fighting side by side. It was the same thought he carried with him a few weeks later, the night before they left for the Keyblade Graveyard, for their hardest fight yet. Sora was sitting on the beach next to him, sun and sand warm on their skin like nothing had changed. And like nothing had changed, he found himself again unable to focus on Sora’s words, distracted by the warm glow on his face. The way the sun reflected in those big blue eyes. His lips still looked so soft. 

When Sora said his name, it barely registered. All he could think about was how beautiful the word looked on Sora’s lips. Sora had to wave his arms to get his attention, and he blushed bright red when he looked back up.

“What’s up with you?” Sora asked, teasing in his voice.

“Nothing,” Riku answered, smiling, then laughing lightly. “Nothing at all.” 

“C’mon, what’s going on in there?” Sora reached out to ruffle Riku’s hair, but Riku was faster, wrapping Sora’s head in the crook of his arm. “Hey, cut it out!” 

And after a moment Riku did, laughing, and Sora let his head fall gently onto Riku’s lap, looking up at his face. Riku felt his heart stop, and Sora reached up to pinch at his cheeks. 

“Tell me what’s up!” Sora made a face when Riku pushed his hands away. “Really, Riku, is something wrong? Are you okay? You’re not gonna go running off on me again, are you?” 

Riku’s breath caught in his throat, and he looked down sharply at Sora.

“No. Never. _Never_ , Sora.” Sora’s eyes widened, and Riku’s face immediately softened. He smiled. “Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s wrong at all. I just…” Why was it so hard to choke the words out? He took a deep breath, tearing his eyes away from Sora’s to look out over the sea. “I don’t want to lose... _this_ again. Any of it.” He looked down at Sora, the last word stuck on his lips. 

_You._

Sora looked at him expectantly, but he looked out to the sunset again. Sora gave him a smile, the softest in the world, pulling Riku’s face back to meet his eyes again, hand resting on Riku’s cheek. Riku’s head was swimming, and he wondered if Sora could feel the burning of his cheeks through his gloves.

“Hey, hey. You won’t, okay? _Promise._ ” He let his hand fall from Riku’s face, turning his head to look out over the water. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet, barely audible above the crashing waves. “I won’t let you disappear again that easy.” 

Riku could’ve sworn he saw Sora’s face flush, and he felt his heart doing flips. Almost with a will of its own, his hand drifted down and grasped Sora’s. Neither of them said anything, and all Riku could think was that he wanted the moment to last forever. 

But it didn’t, and the next day came, and they fought, and they won. All Riku could think of through the battle was Sora and the day before, and he fought tooth and nail that he might get to have more of those moments. And then they were back home. For real, this time. 

The thirteenth time Riku wanted to kiss Sora was on that island again, both of them leaning against the old tree, looking out over the sea and the stars. Talking once again about the future and what it might hold for them now. Riku kept glancing over at Sora, illuminated by the moonlight, thinking about what he wanted his future to hold. 

“I can’t believe it’s really over.” Sora said quietly. “What do we do now?”

Riku thought about it. “Whatever we want, I guess. We can go wherever we want to.”

Sora turned to him with a smile. “Okay, where are you going to go?” 

Riku met his eyes, biting back a smile. “What, you still gonna follow me around like a barnacle on my side?” 

Sora punched his arm lightly, but his smile widened. “Maybe. So what if I do?” 

Riku let his smile break through. “I don’t know, you’re always the one leading.”

Sora raised an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? Even when I’m chasing you across all the worlds?” 

“What? I’m the one always chasing after you! Even in your dreams!” 

“Get real!” Sora yelled back, but he was laughing through it. “Okay, maybe you’re right.” 

Riku smirked. “I’m _always_ right.” He leaned in closer to Sora and lowered his voice. “I thought you’d know that by now.” 

Sora glowered up at him. “Oh, _always_ ? Because I might be able to think of a _few_ times….” 

“Wow, okay,” Riku put his hands up defensively. “Fine, I’ve maybe made a _couple_ of mistakes.” 

“But... they did all lead us here,” Sora said, suddenly reflective, looking out towards the ocean. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” Riku’s eyes were fixed on Sora, and he felt something crack inside him. “Hey, Sora…” 

Sora looked back towards him, a smile in his eyes. 

“I… I’m really glad that it all led us here.” He pushed the words past the lump in his throat. “Thank you for never giving up on me.” Suddenly the tears were burning at the corners of his eyes, and he turned them to the stars above. “Really, I— I wouldn’t have been able to make it through without you there. And I’ll never be able to make all of it up to you, ever, but I will always be here, or wherever, to… protect you.” 

Sora was quiet for a moment, looking up at him. “Fealty,” he said quietly. 

“Always,” Riku said, without a second’s hesitation. “Always, for you.” He glanced back down at Sora and saw the tears in his eyes, and he broke, a wave crashing into Sora’s warm arms, face buried in that brown hair, trying to blink back his own tears. 

“All this time and you still want to be my _knight_?” Sora asked, arms around Riku’s neck, voice quivering. “You know I can fight for myself now.” Riku could hear the smile in his voice.

“I know,” Riku said, voice muffled in his hair. “But I’m still always going to be there.” 

Sora reached up and tousled Riku’s hair. “So now who’s the barnacle?” 

Sora felt Riku laugh into his shoulder. “Shut up.” Sora just pulled him in closer. “You know,” Riku said quietly, “you know it was all for you, right?” 

“What’dya mean?” 

“Everything. Everything I did— was to get you back, to keep you safe, to protect you. You’ve always been… aw, don’t make me say it.” 

Sora pulled his head back slightly, and Riku hesitantly did the same, meeting Sora’s eyes. “Say _what?_ ” 

Riku’s face flushed. “You’ve always been…” his voice got quiet. “My light. My sun. My prince. Or whatever.” He averted his eyes, but Sora cupped his cheek in his hand, and Riku couldn’t help but lean into the easy warmth.

“Riku… I never knew you felt that way.” 

Riku’s heart was trembling like a leaf, but he pushed himself to meet Sora’s eyes. “Sora, please, I—”

Sora pulled his face down and kissed the words off his lips. Riku kissed him back, and it could have been the first time or the second time or the thirteenth time, it didn’t matter, there was nothing in his mind but the softness of Sora’s lips on his, nothing in his heart but _him._

When they broke apart, Sora whispered up at him. “I think in this one the prince falls in love with his brave knight.” Riku felt _his_ and _love_ echo around in his chest, like a hurricane, and he thought he might just get blown away. Like an anchor, Sora kissed him again, bringing him back to the ground, securing him in place. _By his side_ , Riku thought. _Where I belong. Where I’ll always belong._


End file.
